Bush to Katrina victims: "Party On!"

As we celebrate the one year anniversary of Katrina, we must look towards the wisdom and leadership of our Commander in Chief, who offered the following timeless words last September: "I believe the town where I used to come to enjoy myself -- occasionally too much -- (laughter) -- will be that very same town, that it will be a better place to come to." Bush's message to the people of New Orleans was, to paraphrase, "Party On." Our President was-- and remains-- confident that out of the ashes of cocaine, vomit, and titty flashing he knows so well, a greater, more funner New Orleans will arise.

Laughing Liberally Special

A Laughing Liberally special
Laughing with the Enemy! 3 conservative comics versus 3 liberal comics.

Monday, August 28th, 9:30
45th Street Theatre
354 West 45th Street
(Between 8th and 9th Ave)
TICKETS: $10
Call: 1-800-838-3006

From the Left:
Dean Obeidallah is a Palestinian-Italian-American, the co-founder of the New York Arab-American Comedy Festival, a frequent guest on Air America Radio and the winner of the "Spirit of Bill Hicks Award."
Benari Poulten is a former Congressional Aide, a former almost-child-star, and a former field coordinator for the Kerry campaign, and sometimes, he's a Staff Sgt. in the US Army Reserve.
Katie Halper is a walking stereotype: the female comic who jokes about judicial nomination processes and economic stratification. She's also a native Upper West Sider, where 'liberal' is a conservative word.

From the Right:
Robert George is a Catholic, West Indian black Republican. He's also a stand-up comedian...and an editorial writer for The New York Post.
Julia Gorin has appeared on "Politically Incorrect" and a number of Fox News shows (of course!). She was profiled in the book South Park Conservatives, and her jokes appear in the Complete Idiot's Guide to Jokes.
Dave Rosner: U. S. Marine Veteran (First Gulf War and Iraq), Comedian, Jew. He's been a Commentator on The Comcast Network and acted on MTV, Man Cow Radio Show and on Australian TV in sketch comedy, network drama and commercials

Major Gay Terrorist Threat Averted

Thank gosh a major national security threat has been averted. The army has dismissed nine linguists discovered to be homosexual. Six of the linguists specialized in Arabic translation, a programmatic gap that the army has been desperately seeking to fill. Yet I think we can all agree with the decision: having a gay Arabic translator is a lot more dangerous than having no Arabic translators. Imagine how these anti-American, anti-family individuals might twist language to promote their homosexual agenda. “The captain wants to speak with you" could easily become, "The captain wants to kiss you on the lips." They could translate "We like Iraq" into "We like Iraqi men." Their perverted translations are only one of the many dangers these gays pose. They'd be risking the lives of our troops by going AWOL, designing Burkas in Baghdad, getting pedicures in Fallujah, and antiquing in Baghdad.

So, U.S. army, thanks for not letting the gays translate "An Army of one" into "an army of gays."

Show tonight, Friday August 18th!!!!!!

MY OWN PRIVATE SHOW-DAHO

Well, not really private, but my own. I'm doing another Red Diaper Baby show this Friday. That means I'll be doing a non-laughing liberally show. It's been a while. With special guests!

Remember, this is at the NEW TANK IN TRIBECA

Red Diaper Baby Presents
The Tank
www.thetanknyc.org
279 Church street (btwn Franklin and White)
8PM
$5

See? NY Times really IS a commie rag!

On December 16th 2005, when the New York Times published its expose of the NSA wiretapping, editor Bill Keller claimed his paper had delayed the story for a year. But it turns out the NYT started debating whether to publish the expose weeks before the November 2004 presidential elections. Of course, liberals are asking why the Times decided to wait until after the elections to write on the Bush administration's secret domestic surveillance program. And they're asking why Keller would lie about how long the Times had delayed the publication. Keller's response is clear and understandable: "It was probably inelegant wording...I don't know what was in my head at the time."

What is "inelegant" is the wording of the expose published in the Jew York Times. What is really "inelegant" is publishing a piece critical of the commander–in-chief who was forced to spy on us so he could keep us safe and free. And what is really, really “inelegant” is apologizing for not publishing a story like this before the election. And what is really, really, really "inelegant" is apologizing for lying about sitting on a story until after the elections.

So I ask you, Bill Keller: "What is your head now?" Oh yeah, I already now: a bunch of empty space and a bunch of liberal, freedom-hating baloney. Only someone as deaf, dumb and blind as your ancestor would publish such a dangerous, hateful, and anti-American piece of trash.

Lieberman comes out as bipartisan

OK liberals. I really don't get you. I thought you were the ones who favored gay marriage, who thought the gays should be able to serve in the military and adopt children. I thought you were touchy feely about gender and sexuality. So why are you and "al-Qaeda" types attacking Joe Lieberman because he’s bipartisan? Why, all of a sudden, are liberals being so partisan-normative? Other politicians pretend to be bipartisan, but we all know they're bi-curious at best, dabbling in bipartisan agreements, experimenting with political reach-arounds across the aisle only when other politicians are looking. And once they've graduated to a senior senator, they've definitely outgrown it. We've all heard the term "BUG" or "Bi Until Graduation."

But Lieberman is the real deal, not some politician in a Senators Gone Wild video. For Joe, bipartisanship is not a phase or a fad, but rather an inherent part of his identity. Lieberman knows we're all on a political spectrum and he recognizes that it’s not about your voting records or your party. It’s about being in office.. In fact, Joe likes to wear his "F#*& your party" buttons and drive with a “labels are for jars” bumper sticker (not to be confused with a car label). Joe is fluid he’s run with Al Gore AND he’s kissed George W. Bush. And at the end of the day, Joe can go home to Hadassah, who not only accepts, but encourages her husband’s political three-ways.


So Liberals, (and al-Qaeda types), listen up!

He's here, he's bi, get used it... and vote for him!

Republicans heart Abramoff

Roger Stillwell, a former Interior Department Official, has pled guilty to accepting bribes from Republican lobbyist Jack Abramoff. Republicans from Bob Ney to Tom Delay can't seem to get enough of Jack.

Interestingly enough, Abramoff had offered his services to the Sudanese government, attempting to help them polish their genocide-tainted image. Sudan, however, kindly declined Abramoff's "making ethnic cleansing sexy again" campaign. Abramoff may be too sleazy for a government that encourages murderous militias on horseback to rape, murder and pillage, But Jack is A O.K. for the G.O.P.

Focus on the Family asks "who's your daddy?"

A few days ago, I commended James Dobson's Focus on the Family for mobilizing their base against Barbara Boxer's amendment to the Child Custody Protection Act. Again, the amendment offered up by wing bat left coaster Barbara Boxer said girls who were raped by their fathers wouldn't have to notify their parents before getting an abortion. Sadly, this ammendmant passed. But at least we know that Focus on the Family speaks for the unborn child AND the rapist father.

Today, I was on Focus on the Family's website --it's hard to avoid since it's my homepage :)-- and I was delighted to see the featured article A date with Dad, which immediately grabs readers with its engaging and suspenseful opening:

Katie giggles as she waits for her date to come around and open the car door. The pair enters an ice cream shop. She sits down at the table as her date gently pushes in her chair. He takes her hand from across the table and asks, "What flavor would you like tonight, Sugar?" Katie smiles and says, "I'll have chocolate, Daddy.

I, of course, immediately identified with the main character, Katie, who shares my name. But I asked my friends not named Katie and they were equally moved by the piece.

The piece continues: "More and more fathers are becoming aware of their influence and regularly dating their daughters."

After reading A Date with Dad, check out the following books which you can order through Focus on the Family's website: "What a Difference a Daddy Makes" and "She Calls me Daddy."


And dads, make sure you check out the "Date Night Activities" section. (I know my personal faves are Mocha drinking and shopping/ healthy modesty discussions. Stamp collecting is pretty awesome too.)

1. See the town. Go for a drive pointing out areas to avoid and fun places to hang out.

2. Dine out. Eat at a restaurant that doesn't serve toys in a bag. Make it a fancy evening.

3. Drink mocha. Visit your local coffeehouse or bookstore.

4. Get fit. Go bike riding, inline skating or scootering.

5. Share a hobby. Collect stamps, paint or build something together.

6. Play games. Go bowling, golfing or hit the arcades.

7. Shop. This may be the only chance you have at helping her pick out an outfit. It also provides a great opportunity for a healthy talk about modesty.

8. Take a risk. Ask her what she wants to do. After all, you'll expect her potential dates to think of her interests as he plans outings.

What does Ahmadinejad really think about Israel? Guess We'll Never Know

This Sunday's New York Times had an article entitled Iranian 101: A Lesson for Americans The Fine Art of Hiding What You Mean to Say

The article explains that Iranians speak in a kind of diplomatic and indirect code, called Taroof, which consists of sugar-coating what they really think, offering fake praise, in order to avoid conflict.

I have one thing to say to this expose: "Nu-Duh." We already know this, New York Times. We already know that Iranians speak that way because we've all heard Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad practice Taroff. If saying that "Israel must be wiped off the map," and calling the Holocaust a "myth" isn't sugar-coated diplomacy, I don't know what is. I wish Ahmadinejad would quit sweet-talking Israel and the U.S., and say what's really on his mind. But I guess he's just speaking in Taroof. It's just part of his culture.

Well thanks a lot New York Times. Thanks a lot for, once again, shoddy reporting, wasting space, and pointing out the obvious.

You know who could learn from Mahmoud "Mamo" Ahmadinejad's discretion? Mel Gibson. I'll admit that Gibson put his stigmatad foot in his mouth when he said "Fu**ing Jews. The Jews are responsible for all the war in the world." But, the liberal media, run and controlled by you know who, has unfairly crucified Mel Gibson. Gibson is no anti-Semite. Anyone who has seen his movies know this actor is no pacifist. He is not accusing Jews of starting wars: he is commending them. And by asking the arresting offer "Are you a Jew?", Gibson was shattering the stereotype of the Jew as intellectual nerd. He didn't want to assume that a cop couldn't be Jewish, because then he would be making an ASS of U and ME and... the Jews. What Gibson did was actually a mitzvah.

(Barbara) Boxer gives family values a 1-2-3 jab

Last week, Liberal elitist Barbara Boxer just couldn't hold back when the senate attempted to pass a bill saving the American family and American girls.

The Child Custody Protection Act sought to make it a federal crime for a grandparent, clergy member, confidant to transport a minor across state lines to obtain an abortion if she has not notified her parents . The bill was as brave and pure as its sponsors' hearts and allowed for NO EXCEPTIONS.

Barbara Boxer introduced a godless amendment saying that it would not be crime if the minor's father had committed incest.

Thank God, organizations that protect American Family Values such as James Dobson's Focus on the Family, Tony Perkins's Family Research Council, Susan B. Anthony List, Feminists for Life, organized an on-line campaign pressuring the Senate to defeat Boxer's devilish amendment.

Sadly, their voices did not make it from their mouths to God's ear, and the Boxer amendment was passed. But these brave men and women had the decency to ask themselves "What Would Jesus Do?". And they know He would make girls ask their rapist fathers for permission to abort their love child. Because if that's not a family value, I don't know what is.

Sign the Minutemen Pledge

I was so upset that I missed the Minutemen ("a citizens' Vigilance Operation monitoring immigration, business, and government") when they came to NYC to kick off their Minutemen: the battle to secure America's borders book launch. The book is written by Minutemen founder Jim Gilchrist and Unfit for Command: Swift Boat Veterans for the Truth co-author, Dr. Jerome Corsi. Tastefully and appropriately, the Minutemen held their news conference last week at "high noon" at Ground zero "the site where terrorists in the U.S. illegally committed the mass murder of nearly 3,000 Americans."


But here's what we can do to help.

1) "Send Minutemen to the top of the best-sellers list" through amazon or through a Minutemen Book Club

2) Start your own Minutemen Chapter

3) "Do the Job our government won't do, bring national awareness to the alien invasion of the United States" and join the Minutemen

4) Contribute to the billboard project

5) Sign the Minutemen pledge NB make sure you sign the pledge in front of witnesses, or it will not be valid.



The Minuteman Pledge
1776-2006
I pledge that I shall obey the rule of law. I shall be prepared to set aside my livelihood,
comfort and personal interests to answer the call to protect the Sovereignty of the United
States of America against all predators from within or from beyond our shores.
I pledge to hold dear the truths contained in the Declaration of Independence which state
that all men are created equal, and therefore, I shall not hold prejudice nor animosity
against any race, religion or national ethnicity. I pledge that I shall live a life that is
worthy of the honor that has been bestowed upon me by being a citizen of this Great
Nation.
I pledge that I shall raise my voice in peaceful demonstration in the face of injustice. I
shall not be silent when others revile my Patriotism. I shall exercise compassion with
strength when faced with adversity. I shall encourage justice and support those who
choose to do that which is honorable.
I shall be vigilant and not fearful, for I am a Minuteman, a Patriot who is accountable to
God and Country.
With a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, I do hereby pledge, on my
honor, my diligent obeisance to the precepts contained within The Minuteman Pledge.
I hereby acknowledge my pledge before these witnesses:
Date:_________________________
______________________________ ________________________
Minuteman Jim Gilchrist
______________________________ Founder of the Minuteman Project, Inc.
Address MinutemanProject.com
______________________________
City
______________________________
State, Zip Code
______________________________
E-mail Address
© 2006 Minuteman Project, Inc.
MMP
1776 - 2006
Jim Gilchrist