Major Gay Terrorist Threat Averted

Thank gosh a major national security threat has been averted. The army has dismissed nine linguists discovered to be homosexual. Six of the linguists specialized in Arabic translation, a programmatic gap that the army has been desperately seeking to fill. Yet I think we can all agree with the decision: having a gay Arabic translator is a lot more dangerous than having no Arabic translators. Imagine how these anti-American, anti-family individuals might twist language to promote their homosexual agenda. “The captain wants to speak with you" could easily become, "The captain wants to kiss you on the lips." They could translate "We like Iraq" into "We like Iraqi men." Their perverted translations are only one of the many dangers these gays pose. They'd be risking the lives of our troops by going AWOL, designing Burkas in Baghdad, getting pedicures in Fallujah, and antiquing in Baghdad.

So, U.S. army, thanks for not letting the gays translate "An Army of one" into "an army of gays."