Who will speak for the African Americans? Pat Buchanan, duh!

Thank the creator for Pat Buchanan. Speaking on the McLaughlin Group, Pat attacked the Senate's Immigration Bill for taking jobs away from the groups he cares about most: "African Americans" and "single moms." You can always count on Pat to defend the disenfranchised, the non-immigrant tired, the non-immigrant poor, the non-immigrant huddled masses. As he explains in his page-turner of an autobiography, Right From the Beginning, Pat misses the days of racial equality, when "the 'negroes' of Washington had their public schools, restaurants, bars, movie houses, playgrounds and churches; and we had ours."

He's especially sensitive to the voiceless white victims of reverse racism. In fact, Pat commended clansman David Duke for fighting against "reverse discrimination against white folks".


Pat rejects discrimination in all its forms and colors. Pat doesn't just care about "African Americans", "single moms" or "white folks." He cares about defenseless Germans, like Nazi war criminals. He had the heart to implore the U.S. Justice Department to stop "running down 70-year-old camp guards." Only a person as sensitive as Pat could acknowledge that Hitler was ""an individual of great courage."

Some liberals are disturbed that the McLaughlin group provides Buchanan with a weekly national television spot. But you know what? Eleanor Cliff is a liberal who writes for Newsweek. Pat's pro Hitlerism is totally middle of the road next to Cliff's ultra left agenda. In fact, Stalinism even looks middle of the road next to Cliff and the communist journal for which she writes.

Pope to Indigenous: "You're Welcome"

Bless you, Benedict, for telling it like it is. When you visited Brazil you explained that colonialism and conversion were unequivocally good. What did the conversion of indigenous people of Latin America mean? "It meant knowing and welcoming Christ, the unknown God whom their ancestors were seeking, without realizing it... Christ is the Saviour for whom they were silently longing." They were so longing it, or else they wouldn't have worn those loincloths.





you rejected the PC revisionist sissy rhetoric which goes on and on and on about the decimation of indigenous Latin American culture, explaining "in effect, the proclamation of Jesus and of his Gospel did not at any point involve an alienation of the pre-Columbian cultures, nor was it the imposition of a foreign culture." Duh. I mean, I assume, after delivering your speech in Portuguese, you translated it into the indigenous languages Aikaná, Baenan, Coeruna, Gamela, Huamoé, Irantxe, Karirí, Kapixaná, Yuri, Koayá, Kukurá, Natú, Otí, Pankararú, Salumã, Tarairiú, Ticuna, Trumai, Tuxá, Xokó, Xukurú, and Yuri. Right?

Goodnight, Sweet Televangelist

Bigots around the world lost a leader and friend today, with the passing of Jerry Falwell. Though the cause of death has not yet been announced, we have learned from Liberty University Executive Vice President that Reverend Jerry had "a history of heart challenges.” How ironic that a man such as Falwell, who had such a huge, caring, generous heart, could have any problems in that organ of love.

But let us not mourn. Let us keep Falwell's memory, love, and heart alive, through preaching his message. Perhaps my favorite Fallwelism was his reflection on 9 "never forget" 11:

I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say "you helped this happen."

If we, as a nation, come together and keep our fingers raised and pointed at the sodomites and deviants, then we will be spreading the Gospel According to Jerry.

Olmert's questionable tactics for staying in power

I love Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert just as much as the next guy. I mean he's 7,000 times better than that sell out schlub who gave back land to the Palestinians. But, as my dear friend Pat Roberts pointed out, God had the last laugh and smote, or stroked, Sharon.

So I was so happy to hear that Olmert survived three parliamentary no confidence votes over his leadership during the war in Lebanon.

But even I feel a little uncomfortable with the mafia-like threats Olmert used to persuade the Israeli Parliament to keep him in power. Just take a look at the AP photo



I mean, I really think the Parliament would have voted against the no confidence vote without Olmert threatening to slit their throats.

Friendly Advice for Mike Huckabee

Dear Former Governor Huckabee,
First of all, I am a huge fan. You are my favorite stomach-stapled celebrity and I heart your brilliant book Quit Digging Your Grave with a Knife and Fork: a 12 step program .



I also really dig your classic rock band Capitol Offense and think you're a sick bassist http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif


It is because I respect you so much, that I wanted to take the liberty of offering you some friendly advice. You rocked during the debates. I obviously totally agree with your opposition to Roe v. Wade and your statement that,

This life issue is not insignificant. It's not small. It separates us from the Islamic fascists who would strap a bomb to the belly of their child and blow them up. We don't do that in this country. (emphasis mine)

I totally agree that aborting an embryo and killing civilians and rescue crews are morally one and the same. It is because you make such a good point that I would urge you to use an analogy that better reflects the nuance and logic of your comparison. Try this one: This life issue "separates us from the Islamic fascists who would strap a bomb to their pregnant belly and blow themselves up."

If you like it, use it.

Why YOU Should Vote Republican

I spent the weekend re-watching the Republican Debates this weekend around a dozen times because these guys are so dynamic and compelling.

And I am now more sure than ever, that your quality of life will be so much better with a Republican* in office than a Democrat in office, if you are a zygote or a person in a permanently vegetated state. So if you fall into either of those categories, do yourself a favor, and vote Republican.

* This applies to 9 out of 10 of the Republican candidates. With Giuliani in office, it could go either way.

thanks for the veto, mr. president

As usual, our Commander in Chief is telling it like it is. Bush vetoed a time table because "Setting a deadline for withdrawal is setting a date for failure, and that would be irresponsible." The measure would “impose impossible conditions on our commanders in combat” by forcing them to “take fighting directions from politicians 6,000 miles away in Washington, D.C.”

Why should our troops be taking directions from politicians 6,000 miles away in Washington, D.C. when they could be taking directions from one politician in Crawford, Texas?

I heart Paul Wolfowitz

An open letter to the LGJVM (Liberal, Gay, Jewish, Vegan, Media)

Get off of Paul Wolfowitz’s back. When Wolfowitz used his position as President of the World Bank to hook up his girlfriend with a sweet job and raise, that wasn’t nepotism, that was diplomacy. Wolfowitz is Jewish and his girlfriend is Muslim (Not that any religious differences could keep women away from the Wolf. I saw the treasonous Farenheit 911 and I've never seen a man use his tongue and comb the way Wolfie did).

Wolfowitz is a bit of a Middle Easternist, an expert who can hardly be blamed for trusting Ahmad Chalabi and predicting the war would be brief and easy. After saving Iraq and hungry Africans, Wolfowitz decided to try his hand at quelling violence in Israel/ Palestine. And what better way to achieve this than by improving Muslim/ Jewish dialogue, exchange, intercourse in one's own back yard, or back bedroom, if you will. Wolfowitz is simply living by the old adage “Think Globally, Act Locally.” Very, very, locally.

Besides, if you guys care so much about nepotism, why don't you pick on the real culprit? Improving your girlfriend's job and salary, in the name of peace in the Middle East, pales in comparison to the nepotism and corruption Valerie Plame committed when she pulled strings to send her husband, Joseph Wilson, on an unpaid fact finding mission to a famine-ridden semi-Arid West African Nation, otherwise known as Niger Spring Break 2002. Plame's not even Jewish!

Grandma Bea

As read on the HUffington Post

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/katie-halper/grandma-bea-gets-everythi_b_47460.html

The following is a true story, which happened last year.

When my grandma called my mom to tell her she was feeling dizzy and faint, we rushed out the door and hailed a cab to pick up Grandma Bea and take her to the hospital. The second she entered the cab, my mom struck her typical autophobic pose, her body twisted, her head facing backwards, her left hand clutching the door handle to her right.
She occasionally looked forward, before wincing in fear and resuming her default passenger pose. Compared to the hysterics that possessed her when my father would, while driving, clap his hands to Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan or pick up a journal article, this was calm. Alert to the machismo that affected most men and most cab drivers, my mom had developed a technique to implore caution without emasculating speeding drivers or directly challenging automobile-related chauvinism: "Sir, can I ask you to slow down a bit?" she would ask. "I have a broken back." The cab was gaining speed, and I waited for her words.

But tonight was different.

Half way down my grandmother's block, my mother started shouting, "Look out, you're gonna hit that garbage bag." And sure enough, a full and shiny garbage bag was heaped in the middle of the street. My mom and I got out of the cab to move the bag to the curb so we could move on to Grandma Bea's. All of a sudden, in a Gabriel Garcia Marques moment, the garbage bag started to move. As we approached the mysterious receptacle, it started to speak! It said, "Where were you? I was waiting for you?" It was a familiar voice with a strong Bronx accent. And then we made out a familiar face. The garbage bag was Grandma Bea, of course.

Impatient and hyperactive, she had ignored my mother's instructions to wait in her apartment, choosing instead to ride the elevator to the lobby and then to stroll down the middle of the street to meet our cab. Dizzy and faint, she must have fallen. In the dark of night, even up close, the shiny puffy jacket covering the collapsed heap that was Grandma Bea bore a striking resemblance to a stuffed Hefty Bag.

In the hospital, my mother and I were nervous. Grandma Bea was 85. For fifty years, she smoked four packs of Camels every day. Did she have cancer or some other systemic disease that had weakened her enough to fall? When she fell, had she banged her head and suffered brain damage? Or had a stroke and brain damage caused her to fall? The doctor, clearly worried too, hit her with a barrage of questions. Her name? The date? Her address? The day of the week? Each question, Grandma Bea answered perfectly. Then the doctor said, "Let's ask her something a little harder." I grabbed my mom's hand, awaiting the tough question that would tell us Grandma Bea was slipping from us.

"Mrs. Eisenberg," the doctor said. "Do you know who the president is?"

"Oh, that's an easy one," my grandma said. "It's Shithead."

We hugged her tight.

She might be a little dizzy, but Grandma Bea got everything right!