How to Give Your Undivided Sober Attention to Our Commander-in-Chief

(first posted on the Huffington Post)

It comes as no surprise that the people who brought you Drinking Liberally would desecrate the State of the Union address with a rowdy, deviant, irreverent game of bingo.

Do your thing, freedom-hating liberals! Ignore your president, belt down your beers, lay down your bingo chips. I've created my own fun game for people who would prefer snacking conservatively to Drinking Liberally; who want to give our undivided sober attention to our commander-in-chief AND have wholesome fun. Any REAL American can play. Here's how

*Every time Bush mentions Iraq, eat a piece of sweet and sour chicken, representing the sweetness of Bush's plan and the sourness of its failure at the hands of looting Iraqis and cut-and-running Democrats.

*Every time he says "Free world," eat a freedom fry.

*Every time you see Nancy Pelosi, eat an almond because that's what cyanide tastes like and she's poisoning our country.

*Every time you see Lieberman, grab a kiss. (Hershey's are kosher)

*Every time Bush says "No child left behind," eat a ketchup sandwich because Every American Child has a right to daily vegetables.

*Every time you see Hillary, eat a spoonful of horseradish, because we shall know bitter years if she seizes power.

*Every time Bush says "Secure our borders," eat a hummus taco, because the war against immigration is really a war against terror.

*Every time you see Cheney, eat a leg of quail. (remember to remove the skin out of respect for the Vice President's heart condition.)

*Every time Bush mentions social security or minimum wage don't eat anything because we don't need them.

*Every time he mentions Ahmadinejad, eat an atomic wing. Eat two if he pronounces it correctly.

*Every time he says the word "coalition," nibble on a kielbasa because we don't forget Poland.

*Every time he mentions healthcare, take a bite out of an apple. We don't believe in the welfare state or universal healthcare. An apple a day keeps the doctor away and America healthy.

*Every time he says "tax relief," have a spoonful of caviar and chase it with a swig of champagne.

The State of the Union Address always makes for a great date. Here's how to pre-party it up with that special someone. Listen to music made by artists who support our president. My special State of the Union Address Mix, featuring Kid Rock, Jessica Simpson, JoJo and Britney Spears does the trick every time.